Late-Night Comics Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Program

TV's leading comedians devoted the airtime mocking ex-President Donald Trump's recently launched visa initiative, labeled the "golden visa," portraying it as a clear cash-for-residency arrangement for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Starting his broadcast, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic Christmas song about the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "The President ... ruins everything he comes into contact with."

Colbert's target was the controversial plan which allows international nationals to buy U.S. legal status for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" version for $5 million. A government website guarantees approval "faster than ever."

"A quick note for you to affluent immigrants: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the scheme is also intended to "extract cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring significant fees. "That is a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choice – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The best screening the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these people absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit affluent international individuals to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the form, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping approval numbers during financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a effort to address affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of food items, where he behaved strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative media coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he remarked.