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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not everyone likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought recording a clip here or there would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?